Richard Harris Standing In
The Davis Enterprise

Dear Bob, I really want the community to vote Yes on Measure W in November. It's the parcel tax to fund important school programs like science, music and libraries. So I'm thinking of submitting an entry to replace the Above Pictured Columnist as a way to get free publicity for this critically needed funding.

But I know you are enraged, almost green with envy, since I gave up my career as a near-Pulitzer-Prize-winning columnist for The Davis Enterprise and replaced my South Davis-centric, newspaper venting for a seat on the esteemed, highly prestigious Davis Board of Education.
I was the first Enterprise columnist to climb out of the hole of ink-stained drudgery and reach the heights of political power. I know that must sting.

No way will you risk increasing my community standing and pick me to replace your royal write-ness. Why give credence to the legions who ask, "Why did you stop writing that column? I thought you were going to give up your lucrative day job and replace Dunning."

No one honors their rival by lifting their kilt and turning another cheek. A man of letters doesn't give away the alphabet. A voice of the people doesn't hit the mute switch on the microphone of radio freedom for some two-bit politician.

I understand your dilemma. Why let the rooster back in the hen house if you are cock of the walk? Give me a replacement column today and next thing you know I will be turning readers' e-mails from the bird streets into daily columns. I'll be the guy handicapping Aggies football and stalking the pope.

So let's make a deal. We both have faces made for radio and voices best left to print. You should see my new haircut, I think we're related. You run my plea to the people to support our kids by voting yes on Measure W and for one meeting I'll let you sit in my chair (only sitting, no voting) at the school board. Nobody will know the difference because they don't listen to me anyway.
Maybe you'll be treated to the teacher who got out of bed and stormed the chambers one night to protest my suggestion of fiscal responsibility. Or maybe you'll pick a meeting where we visit the 'hood and hear students plead with us not to lay off their favorite teacher (I think last year it was the guy in the jammies.)

Better yet, you can come to the budget meeting next year where we have to lay off all the teachers again if Measure W fails in November. That will be fun.

For my part, I never miss your almost-daily missives and, if I'm the replacement columnist, I can spread the gospel of Yes on Measure W through humor and biting sarcasm. May as well see if people want to read that on Page A2.
Sorry for the cheap shot, I forgot how much I liked doing that. On the school board none of our decisions end up cheap.

Remember last spring? We almost had to lay off more than 100 teachers and then the community raised about $2 million to save their jobs.

The only good to come out of it is now everybody knows what it costs the school district to have teachers to teach science in the elementary school and librarians to help our youngsters learn to love reading.

We learned the cost and value of our music programs and the need for smaller class sizes in high school english. We learned why mastering foreign languages is a multi-year process and how many Davisites value preparing our children to master the world.

Measure W, at only $10 a month per homeowner, is the only way we can save our existing educational priorities and protect the status quo of Davis' successful schools that the community funded out of their pockets one dollar a day.
My friend Bob, put aside your bitter jealously and I'll replace your column with more reasons to vote Yes on Measure W and you can sit in my board chair for a week.

Have your people call my people.

Thanks,
Richard Harris
— Richard Harris, a Davis Board of Education member since November, wrote the "View From South Davis" column from 2007 to 2008 but, inexplicably, never won a Pulitzer Prize.